I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
