Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
