the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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