I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Randomize
