I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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