Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
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Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
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My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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