I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
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he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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