You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize