so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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