Fine. I'll sleep in my office
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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