a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
