If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize