Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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