My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
