haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
