4 words: hood of his car
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
