Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize