i think my tv is drunk
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
