I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
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