after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
nutella sex= disaster
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
