nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
