Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
