Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
