they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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