Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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