Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
