I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
It's blow job season.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
