Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
