why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
