just come out here and I will go home with you...
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
