dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
