So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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