Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Sexist Restaurant Owner Tells Woman To ‘Keep Her Legs Open’ After Firing Her
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
19 True Stories So Scary You May Never Turn The Lights Off Again
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.