I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
