I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
