You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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