girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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