I am in a vortex of obligation.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
