I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
