Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
