I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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