Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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