doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
