then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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