Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
3pm strippers are depressing
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
