Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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