No period for spring break; use this wisely.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
