using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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