I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
We got so high we made milksteak
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
