It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
