I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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