yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
