sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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