we're blogging at a bar
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
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