ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
