Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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