Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
