CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
