To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
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