I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
