none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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