Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
