This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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