no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
