if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
