Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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