i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
they're like a gay fantastic four
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
