There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
