My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
