we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
