At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
