The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
