On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
