I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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