Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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