he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Randomize
