I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
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