I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
